Italiani.it interviews Barbara Gabielli Renzi of "Women who Emigrate Abroad" who lives in Bonn, Germany.
Today I want to dedicate myself to friendships and not everything I have to say is positive.
In almost twenty years of staying abroad I have returned to Italy several times, although not often, and I thought I had kept a stable and concrete core of friendships.
Here I use the term "concrete" in a somewhat imaginative and artistic way: I mean that I considered my friends as something that exists. My friends like present. As part of me. Like my friends.
By staying more in Italy, that is, for a long time, I realized that they were part of me, but of my past.
The same way of looking at the world was no longer shared.
Friends don't have to have the same worldview as me, but something tangible had changed, something I hadn't noticed previously.
That doesn't mean I wouldn't like to see my old friends again in the future, but time and life go by and life changes us. Different experiences in different places change us, but life experiences in very different places change us substantially and I didn't know how much.
Honesty is a must both when writing not only out of respect for possible readers but also to grow; in short, as I write I confront myself and look at myself.
I don't think I'm better or worse than my friends. But, the experience of immigration has changed me a lot, in natural ways probably.
I look at immigrants in Italy with different eyes, I see myself perhaps a little in them, in their fatigue, in their adventure which is certainly different from mine and which, probably, was much more tiring and dangerous, but which always has something similar to what I experienced.
I do not see this respect in many of my friends, who are not racists but who simply do not realize I look at children growing up across multiple worlds with different eyes, I see them as a promise of a better future and I would like to see more of them. . I see them as bonds between cultures, as a promise of peace, as a hand that extends across multiple borders in this increasingly divided and dangerous world.
I was talking about honesty before.
It is painful to see that the former bond with old friendships is no longer there and is not present. When pain exists it must not be hidden, it must be looked at, considered and then, however it passes, and it has passed.
Everything passes in this world because everything changes
I talked to my friends and explained my worldview. That connection of thoughts that was there is gone. As I said, nothing lasts forever. New friendships are sought because perhaps life is also beautiful because it is varied, because it changes. Nothing is always the same.
I saw the pain grow inside of me and slowly make its way into my mind. Not just in my heart.
I saw him talking to me about what had been and will never be again. And then I saw the pain go away like a cloud blown by the wind. In its place, joy has emerged. Because in the past I had friends with whom a glance opened worlds, because the worlds were ours. I have had this luck which is not for everyone.
Now I have the future ahead of me and new friendships to build and to build with and believe in.
Perhaps, luck will kiss me again and that infinite and deep connection of true friendship will emerge again.
To find out more about the author: http://donnecheemigranoallestero.com/germania/barbara-bonn/
